so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
