I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
