We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
