We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
