Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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