I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize