You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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