He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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