I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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