He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
