Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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