youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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