Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
