i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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