she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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