She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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