i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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