I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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