Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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