There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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