I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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