I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
