thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
