you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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