what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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