Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
