woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think my moral compass just broke
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
