This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
