i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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