Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Everclear isn't food dammit
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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