maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
