pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
