She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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