Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
