My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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