Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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