At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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