When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
