Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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