You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
