careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
