Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
