It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
