my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
