ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize