I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
