i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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