i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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