...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
