yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
