dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just gift wrapped bread.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
