I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT