clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?