we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....