Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

  (323): View more from California

  Sounds like a plan.

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  (818): If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him. (323): Sounds like a plan. http://tfl.nu/lnib
  Replies (34) Good night (8469) Bad night (899)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"

  (1-478): View more from Georgia

  And thats what homeschooling is for

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  (478): I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!" (1-478): And thats what homeschooling is for http://tfl.nu/vl1o
  Replies (17) Good night (4701) Bad night (686)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.

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  (419): we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it. http://tfl.nu/duoc
  Replies (37) Good night (3465) Bad night (4719)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.

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  (503): Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously. http://tfl.nu/epia
  Replies (10) Good night (786) Bad night (5243)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.

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  (814): Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis. http://tfl.nu/uw51
  Replies (5) Good night (2160) Bad night (761)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!

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  (207): this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go! http://tfl.nu/gugi
  Replies (4) Good night (2335) Bad night (817)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.

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  (937): The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it. http://tfl.nu/hbg0
  Replies (9) Good night (2506) Bad night (874)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.

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  (317): HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING. http://tfl.nu/dtfs
  Replies (7) Good night (2015) Bad night (567)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

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  (860): You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie. http://tfl.nu/zzfj
  Replies (17) Good night (3398) Bad night (1010)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"

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  (718): Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards" http://tfl.nu/67i1
  Replies (5) Good night (1327) Bad night (506)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.

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  (732): She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked. http://tfl.nu/ufw5
  Replies (3) Good night (1300) Bad night (328)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.

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  (641): I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it. http://tfl.nu/0z7a
  Replies (5) Good night (343) Bad night (736)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.

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  (603): I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t. http://tfl.nu/mo8v
  Replies (4) Good night (505) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.

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  (914): You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it. http://tfl.nu/4ym6
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (349)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower

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  (770): She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower http://tfl.nu/znp7
  Replies (1) Good night (334) Bad night (259)

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