so explain again why im purple
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?