He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I forget how to act sober
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