I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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