After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
