I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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