I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
