I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
