I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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