Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As shirtless as possible
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
