Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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