idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
