i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
