He told me they were just razor bumps!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
