there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Of course I have a pirate flag
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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