Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
