i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
