i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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