oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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