hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
