Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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