I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
