You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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