and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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